So Pressed for Love, There's a Crease in your heart...

Lately I have been reading many statuses (via Facebook) and in plain conversation hearing people wondering when will there true love come? How long do they have to wait? Wondering why they keep getting hurt in relationships, etc etc. The only thing I keep asking myself is "why are people in such a rush to be married/fall in love?" Is there something written somewhere that’s telling people they are "supposed" to be married by a certain age? Yes I understand I'm married, but I wasn't always. I have been in horrible relationships, ok relationships, 'what were we thinking' relationships, and a relationship that could have killed me. If anyone truly knows me they know my views on marriage. I didn't agree with the institutionalization (is that even a word lol) of marriage. It was a propaganda, just another money making holiday if you will. I was (well still am) a believer that very few marry for love and just marry for money, benefits, etc. If I love a man then it was up to me and that man to kneel down before God and have him bless our union. No wedding dress, no cake, no reception hall; no money spent just spreading love. And no I didn't feel this way because of a bad relationship. I felt this way for YEARS, before I fell in love for the first time. In fact I was probably the only female in my circle of friends that never had that vision of "when I get married" in my head. Not even a little bit. I was in 2 weddings and though it was fun, I believe I was standing right where I needed to be, on the side line. I don't even like diamonds so I already know I'm a problem. But then something happened, I started meeting men that WANTED to be married. I'm taking these brothers had their wedding already planned out. Interesting I thought then it hit me, what if I meet someone that truly loves me as much (if not more) as I love him and he wants to be married? How could I not marry him?
GREAT! I have to become a hypocrite to my belief and compromise.
1. No church wedding: if I can't make it to church on Sundays or Bible Study then how dare I walk in the church and say marry us?
2. No white flowing embroidery beaded up lacey dress! Heck No! Do you know me? I'm not traditional.
3. I'm not Christian soooooo...right, why go that direction.
4. No diamond.
5. Why spend that kind of money when we can pay debt off.
Umm right so how many of you came to the wedding? Seen the pictures? *shrugs* My husband laughed at my compromise.

Funny thing is I didn't want to marry my husband. I bet many of you think I hoodwinked him...HA nope. Many of you know I was crushing on that man for years. I just wanted to meet him and maybe just be in the same room with him at the same time. That fool never came out to any of the gatherings! Finally we would talk on the phone, and then I went to see him in the hospital and I WAS NERVOUS. My husband to me is my "Finally I Win" trophy. You ever feel like you never get anything you want? You ever feel like you’re not good enough for something? And I'm not talking about low-self-esteem; I'm talking like, applying for a $100,000 a year job when all you have is a degree and NO experience. Stay in your lane chump! That’s how I felt. The Almighty Six5 Poetic Python would want me? HA! Look, I know my place, it’s all good player I'm not sweating you like those other chicks. POW boy bye! lol.
......Reality is, a girl dreams about being with that kind of man.
I wasn't looking for marriage just love, he was looking for love and marriage and concerned that "he was getting older" and the idea of love was lost. I wanted more kids he didn't want any more unless he found a woman that had none.
See how things work out. Love found us and put us together. I think people are just impatient about certain turning points in their lives. May social media is leading people to believe that things are supposed to happen at a certain part of your life. Who made that rule up? You have to be set in a career by a certain age, own a house, start a family be married....really? I'm 34 with two kids married, degree, no career, no house, car paid off....but somehow some where some jackass is making a timeline for me. Don't you know when you rush things it doesn't quite turn out right? Problem is you find yourself settling in order for things to be in place. I normally set goals for myself and figure out ways to accomplish them one by one or according to priority. I wanted kids, a nice paying rewarding job, and to finish school. Marriage was thrown into the equation, and that changed everything. Someone said (looking to the sky) my time for love was NOW.

Regardless of what I wanted or what my husband wanted, there was already a plan lined up. I remember my Hunny saying he was glad we got together when we did because he had given up on love and was about to become a serious player! Patience is so hard to endure because we want what we want when we want it. We proclaim strong faith but give up on it when we are at our lowest point. We ask, why me, OR why not me? It’s been 1 year 3 months and 11 days and I am still in shock that I am married. Please understand I continue to fall in love with this man. When our computer times out, a picture slide show of our wedding comes on and I (we) always pause to look at the pictures.

When it came down to it:
I married him because I loved him, I didn't want to lose my best friend and a wonderful father.
I married him because he said he loved me and I was someone he NEEDED in his life,
I married him because somehow to this day I can't fully explain what I feelings I have for this man.
I married this man because I wanted to be a part of his life...his legacy.
I married him because when people say he looks different or there’s something different about him he points to me and says it because she made me better.
I married him because he said if I didn't he would stalk me for the rest of my life O_o..lol

Go with the flow! There’s nothing like genuine love. Whether you believe it or not time is on your side. Trying to create love out of nothing is going to make you miserable.
Why be so pressed for love that it causes a crease in your heart? The more pressed you are the deeper the crease, you’re going to break your own heart. 

Love and Light,
Poe