Rasta PoeCahontas 12 yrs and counting

Today I celebrate 12years of being Lox'd-4-Lyfe! I remember cutting the perm out May 1999, but Nov 30, 1999 was a day I won't forget. I woke up with a weird feeling. I instantly called my sister at work and simply stated when she came hone I needed her to coil twist my hair one last time. I was ready to loc. Which was confusing to me considering I wanted an Angela Davis fro then I would eventually loc in my 40's. Well plans changed. And today was the day! When she came home my hair had been washed and all she did was re-wet it and twisted it. The next 3-4 months my patience was tested. Every 2wks I bought a fresh lime, squeezed it into a bowl and would re-twist my roots. I didn't wash my hair, I kept it covered. It was itching and I just wanted to shower from head to toe. I remember reading something that told me how to rinse it without the twist coming out. (I couldn't wash my hair because my coil twist were short. Washing it would make them come out). It was the end of December, sometime after Christmas, I cut a piece of my pantyhose, covered my head and let the water beat down on my head and scalp! Oh what joy! I later found a natural hair care specialist and she said I did a great job starting my hair! I bought books on natural hair and locs and learned about maintaining them and natural hair in general. I learned Bout oils and other natural ways to take care of my hair and it was the best decision I made.

I know some people have locs as a style, I don't. It's a spiritual and cultural connection. My locs are my antennas giving me a direct connection to the universe....to the Creator. I have learned the patience it took for my locs to manifest into strong ropes. I learned that vanity wasn't a good look for me. The once teenager no one thought was pretty was now exotic to some, gorgeous to others, and when I was in other countries I was an empress! The main thing, I no longer thought about what people said about me, in regards to looks. I welcome compliments and shrug off ignorance, can't please everyone so....KEEP IT STEPPING!

I used to tell people I wanted to let my hair grow as long as it wanted. Yes my neck hurts when I wash my hair myself, yes I have closed my hair in the car door and didn't know until I tried to walk away (too many times), sure my husband rolls over on my hair when we sleep pinning me down...bleh! Whataya gonna do?
I said I would cut my hair when I turned 40! We'll see, anything is possible. What I do know is, I'm more comfortable in my skin today than I was 12yrs ago; well despite the whole runners body I had but that's a whole other blog! Lol.
Just know, change is good and in some cases it's very necessary.

Timing is everything.

Love & Light,
Rasta PoeCahontas 12yrs & going

Parenting 102:The Difference Amongst my Monkeys

I have been observing my kids a lot lately. Just watching how they interact with each other, how they work independently, how they get on my nerves differently, ya know all that good stuff. Just kind of sitting back really noticing them. Other than the obvious difference in their sex and age, I wonder how else they are different. Or how much they are alike? How much they are like me or their fathers.
My baby girl..my Candace..Warrior Princess Ahdia (Swahili- gift from God)...The FBI-SWAT-Ninja-Spy...this chick right here is something else. I see so much of me in her. BUT here's the issue, the NOW me is what I see in her. The outspoken me is raining or reigning down HARD on this chick. And I do remind her that though she has a 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, her belts will never out do my leather belt...WORD! She is creative, like me. People say she is my mini-me and I can agree 50%. I don't think she looks like me but she is me!
My baby boy, my terrorist, my Prince Charming Jasir (Muslim- Courageous)...Baby Py..Tinka-Doo..SCOOP! Now this one right here...lawd have mercy the Creator has to be laughing at me because he is the one! He is busy and most would say many pre-toddlers are, but this lil dude moves like someone is paying him to do what he does. And whatever this "job" is he has with whomever, he does it well. He tests the barriers with both mom and dad and he plays us against each other, already. Once again, he doesn't look like me AT ALL. He is all daddy. But I do believe he is stubborn just like his mommy! Hush…we have our reasons.
I think about my daughter at his age and I see many differences.
Here’s the run down:
Ahdia- July 15, 2001 Sunday 6:36pm 6lbs 12oz 19in Due date July 8th 
Jasir- May 5, 2010 Wednesday 11:14pm 7lbs 5.4oz 19.75in Due date May 7th

She sat up at 3.5months
He sat up at 5 months

She started walking at 10.5 months
He started walking at 8months

Both are very verbal
He would rather actually try to say the words where as she would just talk and if you understood her fine if not you better figure it out. This is funny because He will actually say words but if he feels as though he is having a hard time, he won’t say it at all.
She was (still is) a picky eater
He eats anything...no really he will try it once no matter how it looks. The girl won't eat food if she doesn't like how it looks...color...etc.

I guess I could actually go on and on about my Monkeys. I can say the biggest difference is, with Ahdia I was a single parent and with Jasir I am a co-parent. And that is a major difference. Once a single parent, always a single parent. You find yourself still in those habits. What I do know is I don't love one more than the other. I love them equally. I read a status one day on Facebook about how do you divide your love….time..etc when you have more than one child. Many people don't think they can love more than one child. They think you have to have a favorite. I don't have a favorite I love them both. They both are different and i love their personality. Both kids came to me at a different time in my life. I recently said in a blog that though I love my kids equally they mean different things to me. They taught me different things in parenting. Ahdia taught me hope while Jasir taught me patience.

Now that we are "grown" and are parents, can you say you have sat in the student chair while your kids were the ones teaching you? I know I can and frankly there is nothing wrong with it. Even teachers need a re-fresher course and that's alright with this student of life.

Love & Light,
Poe

So Pressed for Love, There's a Crease in your heart...

Lately I have been reading many statuses (via Facebook) and in plain conversation hearing people wondering when will there true love come? How long do they have to wait? Wondering why they keep getting hurt in relationships, etc etc. The only thing I keep asking myself is "why are people in such a rush to be married/fall in love?" Is there something written somewhere that’s telling people they are "supposed" to be married by a certain age? Yes I understand I'm married, but I wasn't always. I have been in horrible relationships, ok relationships, 'what were we thinking' relationships, and a relationship that could have killed me. If anyone truly knows me they know my views on marriage. I didn't agree with the institutionalization (is that even a word lol) of marriage. It was a propaganda, just another money making holiday if you will. I was (well still am) a believer that very few marry for love and just marry for money, benefits, etc. If I love a man then it was up to me and that man to kneel down before God and have him bless our union. No wedding dress, no cake, no reception hall; no money spent just spreading love. And no I didn't feel this way because of a bad relationship. I felt this way for YEARS, before I fell in love for the first time. In fact I was probably the only female in my circle of friends that never had that vision of "when I get married" in my head. Not even a little bit. I was in 2 weddings and though it was fun, I believe I was standing right where I needed to be, on the side line. I don't even like diamonds so I already know I'm a problem. But then something happened, I started meeting men that WANTED to be married. I'm taking these brothers had their wedding already planned out. Interesting I thought then it hit me, what if I meet someone that truly loves me as much (if not more) as I love him and he wants to be married? How could I not marry him?
GREAT! I have to become a hypocrite to my belief and compromise.
1. No church wedding: if I can't make it to church on Sundays or Bible Study then how dare I walk in the church and say marry us?
2. No white flowing embroidery beaded up lacey dress! Heck No! Do you know me? I'm not traditional.
3. I'm not Christian soooooo...right, why go that direction.
4. No diamond.
5. Why spend that kind of money when we can pay debt off.
Umm right so how many of you came to the wedding? Seen the pictures? *shrugs* My husband laughed at my compromise.

Funny thing is I didn't want to marry my husband. I bet many of you think I hoodwinked him...HA nope. Many of you know I was crushing on that man for years. I just wanted to meet him and maybe just be in the same room with him at the same time. That fool never came out to any of the gatherings! Finally we would talk on the phone, and then I went to see him in the hospital and I WAS NERVOUS. My husband to me is my "Finally I Win" trophy. You ever feel like you never get anything you want? You ever feel like you’re not good enough for something? And I'm not talking about low-self-esteem; I'm talking like, applying for a $100,000 a year job when all you have is a degree and NO experience. Stay in your lane chump! That’s how I felt. The Almighty Six5 Poetic Python would want me? HA! Look, I know my place, it’s all good player I'm not sweating you like those other chicks. POW boy bye! lol.
......Reality is, a girl dreams about being with that kind of man.
I wasn't looking for marriage just love, he was looking for love and marriage and concerned that "he was getting older" and the idea of love was lost. I wanted more kids he didn't want any more unless he found a woman that had none.
See how things work out. Love found us and put us together. I think people are just impatient about certain turning points in their lives. May social media is leading people to believe that things are supposed to happen at a certain part of your life. Who made that rule up? You have to be set in a career by a certain age, own a house, start a family be married....really? I'm 34 with two kids married, degree, no career, no house, car paid off....but somehow some where some jackass is making a timeline for me. Don't you know when you rush things it doesn't quite turn out right? Problem is you find yourself settling in order for things to be in place. I normally set goals for myself and figure out ways to accomplish them one by one or according to priority. I wanted kids, a nice paying rewarding job, and to finish school. Marriage was thrown into the equation, and that changed everything. Someone said (looking to the sky) my time for love was NOW.

Regardless of what I wanted or what my husband wanted, there was already a plan lined up. I remember my Hunny saying he was glad we got together when we did because he had given up on love and was about to become a serious player! Patience is so hard to endure because we want what we want when we want it. We proclaim strong faith but give up on it when we are at our lowest point. We ask, why me, OR why not me? It’s been 1 year 3 months and 11 days and I am still in shock that I am married. Please understand I continue to fall in love with this man. When our computer times out, a picture slide show of our wedding comes on and I (we) always pause to look at the pictures.

When it came down to it:
I married him because I loved him, I didn't want to lose my best friend and a wonderful father.
I married him because he said he loved me and I was someone he NEEDED in his life,
I married him because somehow to this day I can't fully explain what I feelings I have for this man.
I married this man because I wanted to be a part of his life...his legacy.
I married him because when people say he looks different or there’s something different about him he points to me and says it because she made me better.
I married him because he said if I didn't he would stalk me for the rest of my life O_o..lol

Go with the flow! There’s nothing like genuine love. Whether you believe it or not time is on your side. Trying to create love out of nothing is going to make you miserable.
Why be so pressed for love that it causes a crease in your heart? The more pressed you are the deeper the crease, you’re going to break your own heart. 

Love and Light,
Poe